Weird & Wonderful

Life is both a weird and wonderful thing. It brings you joy but it brings you sorrow. It brings you people that will always stick by you and love you, but it also makes you loose people who you thought were your friends but really just hate you.

For instance the people I always hung out with left me out the loop, even if i was with them, nothing is ever perfect, but there are too many bitches in the world to even live a relatively perfect life.

That’s why now I always listen to guys and trust them, because guys don’t bitch and I can always trust them.

It’s basically now or never

Sometimes in life you suffer with things that may never leave you, in fact some may say it’ll haunt you for the rest of eternity. But for me this problem is depression, and even though I have the support of my boyfriend I need to lay my issues onto someone else as he isn’t my therapist after all. I needed to tell someone that I trusted and knew would help me through it all.

This person happened to be my mum. I was so worried that she would think me pathetic for it, but it turns out I was wrong she totally understood and said I should have told her earlier and that she is always here for me no matter what.

It felt good knowing that I had lifted the weight off Matt’s shoulders as after all, I want to remember the positives with him not the negatives.

The death of me…or near death

I always knew that i would suffer from something, and that something turned out to be depression. A serious case that developed a year and a half ago when my grandad died from cancer.

Since then i have often had suicidal thoughts and have woken up and spent a week just wishing i was dead. I have spent days on end crying into my pillow wishing that people liked me and that i wasn’t an easy target

Talking to Matt last night made me realise how much i would be missed if i did kill myself, his words being ‘you have family and friends who would miss you and me who wouldn’t know what to do if you killed yourself’ it opened my eyes to realising that i do have people who care and that means i can hopefully move one step closer to overcoming the worst of it.

It wont be gone forever, but it can always be put to the back of my mind and hopefully left alone. I have overcome a lot over the past couple months and being around someone that i know loves me has helped. I now know im not alone in this i just need to believe that

good april memories

After a night of constant texting until about 1am I have realised that I love having the ability to talk to someone without them getting bored or leaving the conversation, and after spending time with Matt round the park has definitely made me realise how lucky I really am to have him. I mean just watching him smile and mess around with me was enough to make the world just seem a happier place. I love having a public relationship, and it makes me happy knowing that he is not ashamed of us.

Oh my life right now is perfect…. <3